My First Thanksgiving in the United States

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!

Six years ago I was a first year graduate student. It was my first thanksgiving in the United States. The prior night my classmates and I had gone for a few drinks at this happening student joint in Ann Arbor and the next morning the entire campus was like a ghost town, barring a few international students like myself. I used to share an apartment; my roommate was staying behind as she didn’t have any family in the vicinity.

My mother had told me that one of my sister-in-law’s relatives (whom I knew very well) had an eligible brother who lived four hours away and was single. My sister-in-law suggested him to my mother and she wanted to know if he was a good prospective husband for my younger sister (I was married at that time with my husband living in India). If so, then my parents would broach the subject with my sister-in-law. As I mentioned above, I knew this guy’s sister very well, who is a very smart and intelligent career woman living in Bombay. She gave my mother this guy’s phone number who in turn gave it to me. I am an extrovert so I like calling people up and chatting with them. So I called him up and introduced myself and he said that his sister had mentioned that I would call etc. He was two years younger and we knew a lot of people in common so we established a rapport and we used to talk to each other pretty often. We were in touch since September so we were talking to each other over the phone for at least two months prior to the Thanksgiving break. He asked me to come and visit him during the break. I wasn’t comfortable to do that as I didn’t know the guy at all so instead invited him to stay with me for two days. I enjoyed talking to him over the phone and felt safe to invite him home especially since my roommate was going to be around and I wouldn’t be home alone.

Anyway I had told my roommate and my two other Indian friends why I was inviting this guy over. So he arrived on a Thursday morning and we had a pleasant lunch and I showed him around the campus etc. I don’t go by my married name so he wasn’t sure if I was the married sister or the single one! So I clarified and told him that I was the married one who was his sister's friend. Anyway we came back to the apartment and he asked me if I had any family photographs. I showed him everybody’s photo except my kid sister’s! My sister is very pretty and I want someone to like her for who she is and not how she looks. Anyway so he asked me, “Don’t you have a younger sister?” I replied that I did but I didn’t have her photograph on me (which was a lie).

I wanted to see how he reacts in social situations and with people whom his family does not know. Later in the evening we decided to have a small dinner get together and my roommate and I cooked and we invited two other Indian students, a guy and a girl. The girl is a typical Delhi girl. So let us call her “D.” D is a bindaas type person with a wacky sense of humor. This guy started hitting on her. He did that every time I wasn’t present in the room. It annoyed her to no end. He also made a ridiculous comment that was totally ungentlemanly. Fortunately at that time I entered the living room and heard it. I told him that this is totally uncalled for! D was ready to kill him by that time and told me that she would if he came anywhere close to her.

I shared a two-bed apartment. I had a room and my roommate had a separate room. We had put this guy up in the living room. Anyway my roommate came to me Friday evening and said, “I don’t know if you have noticed but this guy is really annoying.” I said yes I did notice and then asked her what happened. She said that he entered her room without knocking as the door was ajar. She was very uncomfortable in his presence and told me she thought that this guy was a creep and probably didn’t see so many women, who weren’t his sisters, in his life! I told her that she needs to calm down and I will get rid of him as soon as possible. Meanwhile I noticed that he was getting constant phone calls on his cell phone. He would excuse himself and leave the room. My roommate said to me, “what the hell is this all about.” He would return and tell us that someone from work called. We would all reply with a disinterested “u-huh.”

Anyway on Friday evening I told the guy that he should leave as early as he can on Saturday morning as I had to go to the library and do my research and that my roommate had to visit some relatives. He said that he would leave after we had lunch. I don’t think I could have endured him till lunch. So I lied, “Oh I am so sorry but I fast on Saturdays so you might have to get breakfast on your way.” Before leaving he tells me, “Oh by the way those constant calls weren’t from my office but from my girl friend living in Bangalore. She wanted to know if any of you girls were flirting with me.” I looked at him straight in the eye and told him point blank, “Well you need to assuage your girlfriend’s fears. I am married so I am out of the picture but I know for a fact that my two single girl friends wouldn’t look at you even if you were the last man alive on earth. I am most certain that they would die virgins than look at you.” Then he replies, “Oh come on Sai, can’t you take a joke?” I said that I understand jokes and have a sense of humor but he needs to first understand what sense of humor means before attempting to be humorous. I was so relieved when he left. As soon as his car left our apartment complex, my roommate and my friend D told me, please call your mom as soon as possible and tell her this guy is a total creep and that she shouldn’t even entertain him socially, forget about forging a relation!

Can you imagine how these people go to India, get engaged in fifteen days and get their brides to the US of A? In such situations they are on their best behavior so one cannot really guage how they actually are. Last I heard this guy did just that. He didn’t marry the girl from Bangalore but some girl from a small town in India and they are living happily ever after in the United States.

I am thankful for getting an opportunity to hang out with this guy and see how inappropriate he was as a prospective groom for my lovely sister and most importantly to be my brother-in-law!


Among other things:
I thought I might share this painting that I did a few months ago. It is from a photograph that my husband took when we visited Nrityagram, Bangalore a few years ago.