Unwarranted Attention

I was reading this post on Sepia mutiny website http://www.sepiamutiny.com/sepia/archives/003844.html#more. One of the bloggers has posted one of her unpleasant experiences as a woman living in Washington DC. Every woman would identify with her and would commiserate with her.

I have lived and worked in Mumbai where it is kind of common for a woman to be at a receiving end of all kinds of catcalls and misogynist slurs. Most of the time it is the petty rickshaw drivers and quite a number of times there are the so called “respectable white-collared” older men. I can most certainly pinpoint to what part of India most of them come from but I do not want to use this forum for stereotyping at all! Those of you who are reading this blog and are familiar with Mumbai will know what I am talking about.

I survived in that city with the most lethal weapon, a sharp brass kada (which is like a bangle). It worked wonders on any gropers or perverts who would try to come too close to me. I think these perverts have a secret clique where they probably warn each other about women who hit back. Because after a while these incidents stopped or rather there might have been the few perverts who commuted around the same time as me and were at a receiving end from me! From my experience I have realized that one has to be really tough no matter how scared one might feel. We all have Durga in us and that avatar does come out when provoked! This of course worked in Mumbai, where this concept of respecting your “maa” (mother) and “behen” (sister) is still prevalent thankfully.

I also lived by myself in the United States in a university town (considered a safe town). Nevertheless the downtown area had a few homeless people who would pass some disgusting comments. I have had similar experiences in New York as well. I prefer to ignore than bandy words with such scum bags. That they are living such pathetic lives is revenge, good enough for me! I live in the burbs but have had my share of unwanted comments from men. Part of my job requires dealing with the public, and if someone as much as dares to make unwanted comments, I always have the iciest tone and very scathing comebacks, without losing eye contact. It always shames them into an apology!

Regarding the so-called “respectable gentlemen,” from experience, I do know that being assertive is a first step towards standing up to these jerks. These are cowards who do not have any respect for women and do look for victims who can be subjugated. A stern look with an assertive body language works when dealing with such people. But with drunken jerks or frat boys, just walking fast and completely ignoring them is the best tactic. Also one should be aware of one’s surroundings!

I have attached this website which has tips for women to stay safe. The URL is http://www.womentraveltips.com/tips5.shtml. I would never want to be scared, which means that these cowards win because they have managed to subjugate us! I would, however, recommend exercising prudence and basically have a common sense of not venturing out alone in unfamiliar neighborhoods late in the evening, not talking on the cell phone or giving any signs that smacks of vulnerability. Also if possible do let your friends or anyone else know where you might be. Given the emotional scars and trauma that such incidents inflict, CAUTION is the best remedy!