Thursday, December 28, 2006

Second Childhood


This is a family photograph taken years ago on vacation. I am the dork in the center with the big hair. Here's a family that doesn't smile for the camera! We don't say "cheese," just eat it!

As years pass by I have started to realize that roles get reversed and children become parents to their parents. I don’t think parents like it because they want to be your providers but things and equations change. I am a second child and I have always been very close to my father. I am very attached to both my parents and my sisters. Sometimes I have to remind myself that my life is with K!

Yesterday at work I get an SMS from my sister, who lives in Bombay, to check my email. So I check my yahoo account to read that she wants me to scold my father for doing something rather childish and irresponsible. Of course it wasn’t anything serious but you know how daughters can be. She also said that she cannot do it but since I can get away with a lot of things with him, why don’t I call him up and scold him? My older sister has been very close to my mother compared to me and of course I have been closer to my father compared to the other two. So of course I go home for lunch and call my sister up to ask what actually happened. She tells me and it amuses me to no end as it is indeed true that old age is nothing but second childhood!

So I call my parents up and my father fortunately picks up the phone. I start talking to him and instead of scolding him….start crying and tell him how hurt I am that he doesn’t take care of his health. I told him that I constantly worry about his and mother’s wellbeing and this kind of irresponsible behavior is not helping me at all. He actually apologized to me and said, “Sai bai (his nickname; bai means woman in Marathi and is added to a woman’s name as a form of respect and also is a term of endearment) I am sorry but I promise you that I will be more responsible” etc. I hung up and called my sister and said that all is well! She started laughing when I told her what I did. I also realized that I am turning into my mother. Like her I have turned emotional blackmailing into an art form.

I have realized since the time I was a toddler that I could melt his heart with my tears….and it works every time! It worked with Sister Marcia in the kindergarten class as blogged here and it works now as well. This time however I felt very guilty about doing that. My conversations with my parents and siblings always amuse K because he shares a different relationship and dynamics with his own parents and siblings. When I told him in the evening what transpired, he started laughing, “Oh my God….you are so manipulative. Thank God this behavior doesn’t work on me.” (Yes, K that is true because I haven’t disclosed what behavior works on you! *Evil grin*) But this time the tears were genuine because I am worried about them and the fact that much as I would like to be there for them I cannot! I called them up again last night and again this afternoon during my lunch hour. Finally my mother told me, “Don’t call us….we will call you.” I guess when one’s own parents say this; it speaks volumes of one’s stalker-like behavior! They might not get a restraining order against me but most definitely might start screening my phone calls!

PS: I am so glad that they are not internet savvy and therefore don’t read my blog.

14 comments:

Lotus Reads said...

Sai, first off, I want to say how much I love your family picture! And don't worry about not smiling for the camera - all of you still manage to look wonderful and very personable.

I totally relate to worrying about our parents, especially since so many 1000's of miles separate us from them. Infact, recently I have been considering returning to India on a sabbatical - just so that I can spend time with them -not sure it will work out tho'.

hehe, glad you were able to convince your dad to take better care of his health, you little emotional blackmailer, you! :))

Lovely post - keep writing!

Sai said...

@Lotus:
Thanks for saying that we look wonderful....Hehehe....even my mother with her school marmish glasses. She looks so "khadoos" in this picture...LOL!

I consider leaving everything and spending time with them as well but there are other far more practical reasons that don't let me succumb to my emotional side!

karmic said...

Lovely post. You know thats how pics were from back there, I have some where no one smiles!
You are doing what a lot of caring daughters would do and so would sons, except they may not cry?

FH said...

Beautiful Family!:)))

Happy New Year and may all your dreams come true Sai! See you next week!:)

Sai said...

@Sanjay:
Thanks! I try to be caring but sometimes I realize I must lead my own life. Besides they don't keep any expectations from us and would rather be totally independant.

I cry a lot compared to my sisters. They are very composed.

@Asha:
Happy New Year to you, Arvind, Trisha and your son (don't know his name)!!! May your new year be full of happiness, health and wealth!

Dan said...

Sai bai, this was a very sweet post. And remember, if your tears are genuine, you are not being manipulative.

And even if you were being manipulative, I think it's a good goal -- to make your parents take care of themselves better than they are.

karmic said...

I cry a lot compared to my sisters. They are very composed.
Who would have thunk? :)

Sai said...

Thanks Dan!

@Sanjay: LOL....who would have thunk?

rauf said...

I'll be 59 this January, My nephew niece and sister scold me, I understand their concern. When I travel and don't call home I am under pressure because I go to remote areas and I don't have a mobile, When I get to a phone I have to hear some scoldings first. They tried to thrust a mobile on me
I don't like it, its a nuisance. I think I'll have to give in because I am causing anxiety to my family.
Same here, I am irresponsible and ignore my health. There is a great deal of love in such scoldings

Such a lovely picture love seeing old pictures.

This word verification is pretty easy on my eye, usually it is pretty difficult for me.

Sai said...

Rauf:

Thanks for your comments. THere is a lot of love in the scoldings. However please take a mobile with you and inform your loved ones of your wellbeing. That is the least you can do.

I love old pictures too especially black and white. I have color pictures from my childhood but they have all faded. The black and white images scan rather sharp.

Sugarlips said...

Sai You have a lovely family mashallah :) You look at lot
like your father a very strong resemblance.
What u do or did for ur family it shows how loving & caring you are :)
Hugs!

(I left a comment last night blogger ate it)

Stay Beautiful...!!

Sai said...

Sugarlips:

K thinks I look like my father too...especially when I get annoyed ;-)

Thanks for your kind words.

Lisa Johnson said...

Such a beautiful photo! I love old family pictures. My father always has this really big cheesy smile when he poses for a picture. It's funny, because it is kind of fake, but he knows he looks funny, so he's kind of laughing for real too!

Even though you had to cry to do it, I'm glad you were able to get your father to listen to you!

Sai said...

Thanks Anali:

K does that too....whenever I point a camera at him....he has this goofy grin, which is fake but it just looks so funny!